Mercede and Family

Yesterday (February 13, 2012) we received some news that we had been dreading.  Our 9 year old niece Mercede (Grace’s side of the family) had passed away after an intense battle with leukemia. On June 9, 2011, Mercede Joy was diagnosed with Acute Monoblastic Leukemia(m5). She fought the aggressive cancer with courage and (for the most part) a smile on her face. She was supposed to go through five rounds of chemo and then be able to go home and get on with life. However, two days after Christmas, at the end of her fifth round of chemo, the news came that the leukemia was back and her bone marrow was 70% cancer cells. We had planned on seeing Mercede and the family in a few months as we passed through North Carolina but now we will have to wait to see her. :’( The little time Grace and I were able to spend with her in the past was so special to us. 

Another point of reference pertaining to death has to do with a man we have met at our RV Park here in Portland. His name is John and he lives near us and is awaiting a new heart. He is on the list for a heart transplant at the hospital here in Portland and has to live within a certain distance of the hospital at all times. As a result he no longer is at his country home hours south of the city, is away from his wife and has a travel trailer similar to ours at our little RV Park. He’s been here for 6 months and he does not know how long till the transplant will be. Each morning I see and talk to John at the nearby coffee shop and last night our family was able to take him out for dinner.  He has almost died several times over the years and it is on his mind at times. 

Death is not the funnest conversation to have or the best topic of a blog post. But death is a reality that can humble the most driven man in all his pursuits and can create an incredible platform for the good news of the coming Messianic Kingdom. Until Jesus returns, death will be a consistent reality set in place to remind us of some things. 

Though it seems a bit strange, the subject of death has been a sobering encouragement to me. It serves as a reminder of the second death that will come to some (Gehenna/lake of fire) and is a motivator to live this vapor of a life in full submission to God’s leadership by the Spirit unto entrance into the Messiah’s Kingdom (eternal life/salvation/being born again). 

It is in the heart of many to control all aspects of life, but humanity throughout history has faced death and lost every time…except for One…Jesus! Death cannot be controlled but can be overcome. But in order to overcome, we must lose all control of this life and trust Him with it.

Each weekday morning while living here in Portland, I have consistently visited the Starbucks across the street where I have had the opportunity to talk with some and see many others. This particular Starbucks serves many wealthy business men and women. There is an air of confidence and control that comes from most who enter to get their coffee. Many talk of their “inner strength” which helps them to succeed in this life and overcome. But for all of them there is a day approaching where their heart will stop beating, their lungs will stop breathing and they will face the One who did overcome. Will they have lived with that day in mind? Will their self-will, self-distraction, self-trust have made a legacy in this life but prepared the way for second death in the next age? Which is better? 

The first death is pretty certain for all who now live. It is one of the few things that people cannot fully control. And there is only one Man who has overcame death through resurrection (Jesus the Messiah). The prophets and mouthpieces for all other religions have faced death and lost. The question is, will we face the second death and lose? Life is busy and sometimes causes a fog to settle over the priority list but wouldn’t it make sense to look to the One who has overcome the one thing that all humanity has never been able to control. It’s interesting how so many can try to avoid death, yet never look to the One who overcame it. 

Death can help to encourage us on the Narrow Path as we journey toward the New Jerusalem (age to come), serving as a tool for humility and countering pride…if we stop to ponder it.

Grace and I have recently been reading the book If Jesus Were A Parent by Hal Perkins.  What a great book to refocus us as parents in the midst of all the transition that has happened over the last year.  In just 11 months we have moved around 5 times, went from filling half of a 25 foot UHaul truck to the brim with all our stuff (we shared the Uhaul with another family), to fitting it in the back of a pick-up truck. All the while traveling at least 4,644 miles between all the places we have been. And we still have approximately 5,700 miles to travel in the next 4 months.  

If you are a parent you know that it doesn’t take much to know your shortcomings while attempting to raise children.  Well, for us, that has been magnified beyond what we have ever experienced in the midst of all the transition we have recently been through. Feeling vision one moment in how to raise our children while wrestling with failure in our hearts the next. However, one thing that has stayed steady is our yearning for our children to have a reality that Jesus is the Messiah, what that actually means and it’s implications on their lives now based on expectations of His return.

Many of you know and have heard us talk of a children’s curriculum, children’s Bible founded on Messianic expectation and even children’s songs. It all started in October of 2009 during a prayer retreat where I could not get off the floor weeping for hours and the Lord blindsided me around the subject of children. It hasn’t wained since and remains alive to this day.  All of that continues to be at the forefront of our hearts but the Lord had a much different timetable than we thought by which to birth whatever it is that He has for us in all that. The old Richee would have whipped something right up in my own doing without God’s leadership along the way. From my past experiences in ministry I have learned that a lot can be produced by men’s effort and intuition “for the Lord” (just look at Babel) but account for nothing in the eyes of the Lord and even be detestable to Him. 

It is imperative that we constantly realize that God knows our heart reality better than anyone and to trust His leadership with it. Apart from that, we will be led astray by the deception that we know what is best, act on it and then pat ourselves on the back following it. I have been learning over the last few years that I’m not as great as I had made myself out to be and it was all a product of trusting myself with my life decisions and not the Lord. Busyness and distraction; perceived success and praise from others had deceived me into habits and ways of thought that kept me from patience, long-suffering and just about every fruit of the Spirit. And that is just it!! In my past I agreed with the language that described who the Spirit is and what He does but He wasn’t actively leading my life. 

As we have read If Jesus Were A Parent I have been so thankful for God’s tender leadership and have realized that He knows the best timing for all that needs to come forth. I await His “go ahead” on it all. I now strongly know that the Lord doesn’t want something that makes good behavioral children, but something that causes Jesus’ Messiahship to be more real than anything they can experience in this life. My heart has been sparked in so many areas related not only to my own children but to other parents and their children as we have traveled and had the privilege of experiencing so many incredible families. Little by little we are learning how to incorporate Jesus into everyday life of family without it becoming a fairytale, joke or taking a back seat to all the trinkets that children get thrown at them by the spirit of this age.  

By the grace of the Spirit, I am reminded daily at how important it is to walk by the Spirit and live the cross before my children. Do I save them? Nope. I am their hope? Nope. However, who I am directly affects who they are. I have a long ways to go but I am more passionate now than ever at how important it is to authentically be able to say to my child(ren), “Follow me as I follow Christ.” Where I live with a real faith for the Day of the Lord, His return and all that comes with that, allowing it to echo into every nook and cranny of our lives. Without that, Jesus will easily take a back seat in the hearts of our children and leave them as detached from Him as any unbelieving peer they might link arms with. When crisis comes and things shake, may they not run to fear, complaint, offense, whining, material possessions, food, etc. But may they know You and trust You in such a way that their first response leads to You, thus leading those around them to the same place. 

Bottom line for me is that I desire to hold the physical hand of my children after receiving our resurrected bodies at the Day of Jesus’ appearing and to walk on this earth in perfection right beside them. That doesn’t just happen automatically and I realize that the love of many believers is going to, and already is, growing cold while times become harder in many ways but especially when it comes to walking in righteousness. I have little disciples among me who will either enter His Kingdom or be placed in Gehenna. That is a reality that I try to remember daily.

I am more convinced now than ever that parenting ranks pretty stinkin high on God’s priority list.

Help us Lord by your Spirit as we parent. It’s only by your grace and leadership. Thank you for your patience and long-suffering.

He went away from there and came to his hometown, and his disciples followed him. And on the Sabbath he began to teach in the synagogue, and many who heard him were astonished, saying, “Where did this man get these things? What is the wisdom given to him? How are such mighty works done by his hands? Is not this the carpenter, the son of Mary and brother of James and Joses and Judas and Simon? And are not his sisters here with us?” And they took offense at him. And Jesus said to them, “A prophet is not without honor, except in his hometown and among his relatives and in his own household.” And he could do no mighty work there, except that he laid his hands on a few sick people and healed them. And he marveled because of their unbelief. And he went about among the villages teaching. Mark 6:1-6 ESV

I read over this passage the other day and was marveling at the fact that Jesus marveled. In other versions words like amazed and astonished are used. There is another account in Matthew 5:8 where Jesus marvels at the extent of the centurion’s faith. 

Isn’t it interesting to think that Jesus, the Son of God, the Messiah marveled. And at what did he marvel? 

First off, I think it is so important to understand what it meant for Jesus to be the Messiah in the hearts of those in His day. The Messiah, in simple terms, was the One that would come, restore all things and sit as King over restored creation forever.  It wasn’t a small thing and that is why He hacked so many off when He would allude to the fact that He was THAT GUY! 

With that said, I have no doubt that throughout the New Testament “faith” is not just believing that I can be healed. Faith was far bigger than that in the Jewish mind. Faith was anchored in the Messianic expectation. Do I really believe that this guy is the One who will come and restore all things? Is this really the guy who will sit on the throne in the New Jerusalem and govern perfectly forever? Is this really God’s Son? Is this the Guy that will judge the heart of every man?

The reason healing is the context around which we see faith mentioned a lot is because signs and wonders were a clear indicator and sign of the Messiah and His Kingdom that would come to the earth at the Day of the Lord and gave hope of the coming restoration. The body being healed pointed to the resurrection of the body at the coming of the Messiah. A sample of what is to come and to remind those receiving or seeing the healing that He is going to come and restore the body fully. It wasn’t belief in the healing as much as faith in the One who the healing pointed to. Healings, casting out demons, signs, wonders all are STILL meant to point to the coming Day of the Lord, when the Messiah will return and restore His creation.  

So, when Jesus marvels at these two accounts in the gospels, the reality of His Messiahship gives great depth to what is being said. Those in Jesus’ home town knew Him in His obscurity and “hidden” years. Their questions in Mark 6 have unspoken answers that point to Him as Messiah, yet they discount faith in Him as the Messiah by pointing to His family and siblings. In that, they are offended, leaving them faithless. 

Their is much discussion around faith here in the West. Many thoughts are given to faith (like mine), but each believer must really grapple with the Jewish understanding of faith and what it meant to a Jew because it would mean the same thing for us as Gentiles as well. His Messiahship can change a lot in Scripture if it is understood rightly. 

Truly, we are saved through faith. The Spirit was given that we might access His grace in prayer (through healing, prophecy, long suffering, etc), reminding us of the still coming Day of the Messiah (stirring faith) and being strengthened to walk worthy unto that end (persevering). 

Forgetfulness is demonstrated throughout the Old Testament in the nation of Israel. We now have no excuse to forget with the Spirit dwelling in us. The Spirit makes relationship with God available to us. Nonetheless, we do forget at times. Thank you Lord for your mercy and may You and Your Day be a real reality that shapes every day of our lives. 

May the Spirit lead us each day and may we continue to have a reality anchored in the Messiah and His Day, picking up our cross as He did that we might live (in the resurrection) when He returns.

Our RV Park In Portland

Since picking up our newest home in Minnesota several weeks ago, a 29 foot travel trailer, we have experienced little sunlight.  As we traveled across the northern states of the U.S. we encountered a blizzard in Montana, significant winds in Idaho, freezing rain and ice in eastern Oregon before finally arriving in our current location of Portland.  To say it mildly, it was quite a journey with many obstacles in getting to our destination.  And since being in Portland it has rained almost every day, revealing a leak in our trailer through drips on our heads in the night.  I’ve never looked at the Weather Channel as much as I have over the past few weeks. :)

The interesting part is how the literal weather can cause a “storm” upon the insides of any person. Just ask those in New Orleans, Haiti and Japan. The pressures of crisis, whether small or big, can reveal a lot about a nation, city or person.

Grace and I knew that this year would be a time of significant testing which it certainly has been in many different ways. Constant transition, saying goodbye to possessions that had gripped our hearts beyond what they should have, at times feeling alone, seeing our selfishness in the midst of parenting and much more.  

After landing here in Portland I have had a little bit of time to look back over the last months and be filled with thanksgiving over what I have seen the Lord do in our family. We have seen His graciousness and mercy through the different inward and outward trials we experienced. Though tough at times, we know it is working in us an eternal weight of glory. He grants grace through His Spirit dwelling in us as we ask and we know He truly is preparing us for the Day of the Lord.    

What My Family Looked Like As We Drove Across The North...Chickens

As a family we are learning this year through the Lord’s guidance that it is important to “enter the storm” and not divert from it.  It is important because it humbles us, sends us to the Lord in prayer and allows us to see the beauty that He alone can bring following the cleansing rain of each storm.

This year in our family’s life was initiated by the Lord. We knew that at the least (or at the most) it had the simple purpose of preparing us for the Day of the Lord. Our salvation is being worked out with fear and trembling in many ways and we desire to be “born again” in the resurrection of our bodies at the birth of the new age.  

For those thinking we are on a vacation, I assure you, we are not. Try uprooting your life, letting go of the 9-5 schedule, any security you might have had and living day-to-day on the Lord’s leading. Some might read that and think “YES!”, what are you talking about?!  Trust me, it isn’t a vacation…especially for me who had OCD around my schedule and routine. Probably one of the most significant areas of testing is finances.  Trusting the Lord instead of making our own plans from a place of anxiety and fear…basically living in sin.

Driving Through The Canyon Before Getting To Portland

Let me end with what I read this morning in Mark 4:35-41. Jesus slept on a cushion at the stern of the boat during a significant storm. That alone can serve as our incredible Example! We all know the story…Jesus calms the storm, asks some significant questions of the disciples as they stand in awe of who He is. Here are the questions that we too must ponder as we no longer seek to side-step the storms of life with our comfortable back doors of escape (entertainment, complaint, material possessions, reputation, etc.).

 He said to them, “Why are you so afraid? Have you still no faith?” Mark 4:40

Should the Church in politically or socially trying circumstances remain covert to avoid potential eradication by forces hostile to Christianity? Or would more open confrontation with prevailing spiritual ignorance and deprivation–even if it produced Christian martyrs–be more likely to lead to evangelistic breakthroughs? Islamic fundamentalists claim that their spiritual revolution is fueled by the blood of martyrs. Is it conceivable that Christianity’s failure to thrive in the Muslim world is due to the notable absence of Christian martyrs? And can the Muslim community take seriously the claims of a Church in hiding? . . . The question is not whether it is wise at times to keep worship and witness discreet, but rather how long this may continue before we are guilty of hiding our light under a bushel. . . The record shows that from Jerusalem and Damascus to Ephesus and Rome, the apostles were beaten, stoned, conspired against and imprisoned for their witness. Invitations were rare, and never the basis for their missions.

George Otis Jr., The Last of the Giants: Lifting the Veil on Islam and the End Times (Grand Rapids, Mich.: Chosen, 1991), 261, 263.

Arden and I getting ready for our morning prayer room time as a family.

It has been several years now that we as a family began asking the Lord to reshape our hearts and lives to look like disciples of Him (Jesus) versus spectators for Him, who have a language and theology around Him with very little reality of Him in our lives.  Prior to that time many of our inner motives and outer actions were unto glorifying or protecting ourselves while maintaining an outer perception of holiness.

NOTE: I have blogged extensively on this in the past but wanted to quickly summarize it again for those who are seeing it for the first time. One blog series that goes more in depth is “Exposing of a Pharisee…Me”.

CONT….For me personally, the Lord ripped off significant blinders of pride from my eyes and revealed, in detail, major issues of jealousy, envy, anger, rage and the list goes on. It wasn’t just a one time encounter where I felt a little bad, repented and then moved on. No…I had trained my inner motives with efficiency, to pursue self-interest in almost every encounter I had with people.  I had shaped the extrovert, charismatic side of who I was to exploit the smallest of situations and exalt myself in whatever sly way I could.  And the worst part was that I didn’t see my own blindness but actually justified and validated it through Christian jargon.  The depth of insight the Lord gave about my heart reality sent me to my knees in some serious humility and led to major shifts in our family over time.  The Lord had me take several steps back from any platform leadership, knowing the distraction and idolatrous investment I had given to it in the past.

As a result of God’s mercy in revealing the filth that I had nurtured for so long, there was a deep, gut wrenching understanding of my brokenness as a human and the deep need for Him to lead me to the cross by His Spirit. In His tenderness and through many tearful prayers, God has been uprooting many things and sanctifying my life through the means of strengthening me to take up my cross daily while keeping the hope of His return in sight.  The process continues as I keep Jesus before my eyes through the Word of God and prayer.

With all that said it wasn’t until I realized the depth, capability and blindness of wickedness I had been living in, as well as receiving His mercy, tenderness and seeing His patience toward me, that I understood the dynamic love of Jesus on the cross, the high calling to follow His example and suffer, how repulsive wickedness is to Him and how that defines the Biblical “end game”.  For way too long I had minimized the reality of sin in context to my life and classified most of who I was as being “pretty good” based on outward living while my inner life was filthy and comforted by self-righteousness.  I had deceived myself and was like some of the priests of the Word who would see themselves as self-righteous in doing the duty of the law (while inwardly living sinfully) and bringing a sacrifice to fill in the gaps. (Malachi)  

And so much of what God has done in us came in context to Him redefining our theology in the Word through the place of prayer.  Revelation around the cross, the Holy Spirit and the Day of the Lord shook Grace and I to the point of causing significant “tremors” in our everyday life. We became sick of just talking theology and debating philosophy while it changed nothing but the information and thoughts of our brain.  Basically, it rarely or barely drove us to love but primarily strengthened and bolstered pride, driving us to trust in the opinions of men.

With all that said, we know that this year holds varying layers of things for our family to grow in but overall is about us learning to follow the leadership of the Spirit while gazing on the life of Jesus.  Allowing Him to lead us “to the cross” just as He did with Jesus (which I will be probably be blogging about in the future) and seeing Him move in power for the purpose of bearing witness to the coming Day of the Lord. 

For years we have had such a hunger to walk according to the Spirit and not just talk about the things of the Spirit.  As our theology became more than just a label and the truth of the Word gripped us day in and day out to the point of shifting certain life functions, we were confronted by the Lord in so many ways and God has led us to this point. Over the course of this season, Grace and I aim to blog around the Word in relation to some of the things I am mentioning in this post. 

Simply, God is teaching us how to be sojourners in this age through the leadership of His Spirit. We know that our journey is unique and not for every family, but is necessary for where the Lord is leading us. Yes, we know that this season in our lives seems a bit crazy to some but we can’t sidestep His leadership. We did that for way too long under the umbrella of ministry and so many other things. There is a mountain of uncertainties ahead of us but we desire to “come up leaning upon our Beloved” as a family.  We know that when this year of traveling ends there will be plenty more for the Lord to do in us, but we do know that this time is significant to what the Lord might do through our family in the future. 

We want to ask for prayer.  Even if it is just right now and only is a few words.  We ask for prayer.  Not that our journey would be comfortable or logistically flawless.  But that the Lord would give us grace and strengthen us by His Spirit to rejoice and give thanks even in the midst of whatever trials may come as He prepares us for the Day of His return.  If you feel as though the Lord has spoken to you something specific for us, please don’t hesitate to share it if you feel you should.

As most of you know we headed to Duluth, MN to live in community with the Miller family at the beginning of April. To see my past post on the transition to Duluth, click here. There is so many great things that could be said about our time there but that will have to wait for a later date or highlighted on Gracie’s new blog. When we headed to Duluth we knew that the Miller family would likely be heading to Kenya Africa before the year was done and at that point we as a family would need to either move into a new place within Duluth or head on to somewhere else depending on what we felt the Lord saying. Well it became pretty clear in late July/early August that Duluth was merely a transitional place for what was next in God’s heart for us as a family.

Uhaul - April 2011 moving to Duluth; Van/Trailer - September 2011 moving to New Mexico; Truck - December 2011 moving to KC

To simplify this post, after much time in prayer during our time in Duluth, the Lord revealed to Grace and I that we were to travel to several different places over the next year. Without all the meticulous details, we felt confused for a time during the process of listening to the Lord because we were so focused on “the next place” (singular) the Lord would have us go, while getting some significant nudges about multiple places. Prior to all that there was a prophetic word spoken over us in context to this next season. It had to do with the game “Bingo” and all of the sudden the B.I.N.G.O would line up and we would “scream BINGO”. Basically that we would see things line up and understand what the Lord was saying. And that is what finally happened to us in the context of seeking Him out. We were looking for one place to transition to and He was pointing to multiple places that we would be traveling to over the next year. BINGO!!!

There is more to the story but that gives the general idea of “WHAT” we are doing this year. We currently are doing just what I said and are traveling to multiple cities. We just arrived at our second destination this year and are in Kansas City, MO near the International House of Prayer for mainly the month of December and will leave in early January. Our first stop was in New Mexico, where we spent time with my family there. Hopefully I will be able to blog around that some point soon. Really, we see these first two stops preparing the way for what will start in January when we begin living in a travel trailer. Right now we are living in a little one bedroom apartment for the month and being refreshed by some incredible people. Sunday we attended a great house church, have had a few chances to jump in the prayer room as a family and for the first time in 9 months we are not living in the same house with others (not that it was bad living in community).

I met Sarah Grace Carmichael in the kitchen of Teen Mania Ministries August of 1998. I was the lone January intern who happened to end up managing the kitchen due to the fact that I was the only choice. And Sarah was one of several who were chosen to do their practical service as an intern within the kitchen. Little did I know that my future wife was right before my eyes on that day of orientating. At that point I was “bachelor till the rapture” and wanted nothing to do with romantic relationships. Strictly friendship.  But the Lord had different plans.

Needless to say, the fall of 1999, God shifted my thinking while traveling on a bus with several people (Sarah included) and by that winter I knew that Sarah Grace Carmichael would be my future wife.  It was during those next 5 months that I began to call her by her middle name (Grace) due to another “Sarah” being on the team. And her middle name stuck.  Thus, many now know her as Grace.  After a long year on the road with Acquire the Fire Ministries and doing summer missions, Grace and I “hooked up”.

November 18, 2001 at Castle McCulloch in Jamestown, North Carolina was the beginning of a beautiful journey that would (and continues to) rock Grace and I at the core. I cannot describe how in love I am with this woman who has followed me to places that most probably would not have.  And since April of 2006 she has walked out this journey partially blind. She has endured many things concerning me over the years and yet is still at my side.  She has endured what I would deem as significant “spiritual abuse” early in our marriage to my self-absorbed life of ministry only a few years ago to everything in between.  What others praised me for externally, she knew the inner darkness and reality. Yet, she has continued to walk with me and love me through it all.

It isn’t until recent years that the Lord awakened me in His mercy from my slumber and revealed the massive treasure I have in Sarah Grace Parks.  There have been many days where I wished I had the first 7 yrs of our marriage to do over based on the reality my heart now has. But if a “do over” was possible, I now wouldn’t take it because of how the Lord has used this woman of God to help redeem one of the biggest pharisees I have known (me) during those first 7 years of our marriage.  Watching Grace be patient with my selfishness eventually brought me to completely lay down my own agendas and self-seeking reputation, and thus she is His mercy toward me and truly has lived up to her beautiful name, Grace.

Little did I know that when I embarked upon this journey of marriage that God’s mercy would be so fully displayed to me through the life of one incredible woman, leaving me weeping time and again!

Now my wife is pregnant with our third child as we travel the U.S. in obedience to what God has asked us to do, preparing for the Day of the Lord as a family.  We have little and desire to walk fully in the Spirit but yet my wife is content to walk beside me in what seems crazy to most.

Thank you Sarah Grace Parks for persevering through so much and rejoicing in so much of it with me.  What fun I have had with you over the years and am still having now as we raise our children and seek to obey God.  You are an incredible mom who has sought to lead our children in a way that I have seen few do.  You are constantly desiring for Arden to not only understand the hope of bodily resurrection, God’s restoration of this earth and coming Kingdom but hunger to make it real through a life lived in the cross.  A heart reality leading to a true hunger for Him and not just a heady knowledge that puffs him up.  I am honored to raise our children with you and look forward to the many years ahead.

May the Lord grant us grace, strengthening us this next year to carry our cross, filling us with wisdom and revelation in the fear of God that we might please Him in all we do.

I can’t believe that I get to follow the Lord with your hand in mine. I love you baby!

Probably most know that my family and I are moving to Duluth on March 31 but wanted to share for those who didn’t know.  Yep…in 2 weeks we move.  I just got back from my second trip of house hunting in Duluth and there are a few details getting ironed out but overall we have found housing.  

I have had many ask me about our move, as well as have been surprised by the suddenness of it all.  Grace and I can relate to the surprise and suddenness as well but have no doubt it is what the Lord has for us. 

PREFACE: MASSIVE HEART CLEANSE

Even though there was an initial shock in realizing God was moving us to Duluth, it quickly became clear that a transition like this was the perfect answer to so much prayer over the past year and half.  

Anyone reading my blog over the past year and half could see the massive shift in understanding the Biblical narrative in context to the Messianic expectation, Day of the Lord and the explosion of how to live life in context to it all.  We had found that over years of ministry we had walked with a language on our lips but absence of Biblical reality in our home and lifestyle.  Reputation, recognition and pleasing of men were the deep motive of my heart, bringing language, an outer facade and barren insides.  Not to mention the fact that a messianic complex drove forward pretty much all discipleship I did, causing my identity to be grounded far more in ministry than in Him.  Because I felt the need to be everyone’s messiah based on my theological doctrine, the true Messiah became secondary most the time. “Deep” discipleship could take place early in the morning but then end the day fascinated with rotten TV programs, comfort food and a life void of the fear of God.  Relationships were built on the things of this world.  Ministry meetings and ideas were created and led by myself and others, not the Lord.  

I was in love with myself and had become so deceived over time by justifying factors of my own theology.  Numbness on the inside became the norm, yet I was able to sustain enough passion for teaching, discipleship, etc based on controversy and things that would stir up my “prophetic” side, where I would then speak “hard truth” to help all I could. But mostly it was unto attention in the end when it came to the real state of my heart. What looked like fruit of the Spirit externally was really the means by which to exalt myself internally in context to jealousy, envy, etc.  The pats on the back would just encourage my own self-validating that I was really doing well with Him when I wasn’t.  

The Holy Spirit wasn’t the primary leader of my life and I definitely didn’t have an ear to hear what He was saying unless it benefited my reputation in some way.  I had fought to lay out my theology in such a way where it was impenetrable to attacks or where possible “kinks in my theological armor” could be sidestepped or ignored.  My theology and doctrine had never been challenged to the point that it has been over the last 2 years, thanks to a special group of guys that I have met with weekly for years and had endless group email discussions with.  For those in that group reading this, thank you!  I’ve never been involved with a group that has had such diverse theological discussions yet do it with consistent humility and love for truth, versus love for sacred cows.  I also have to thank John Harrigan and Tim Miller who have spurred me on in such Biblically sound ways when it comes to operating as the Body should.

COMING TO GRIPS

As I have come to grips with the depth of hypocrisy and pride I have had, there has been such a yearning to cleanse my daily life functions and begin to position our family in such a way where we can live according to the Word and not merely just talk about it.  Over these last few years Grace and I have come to really believe that the Day of the Lord is real.  The urgency of the hour we live in is pressing on us as a family day after day and we have “found ourselves wanting.”  Time and time again we have realized our desperate need to walk according to His ways and follow His Spirit boldly in order to walk worthy of the calling, enduring to His Day with right hearts.  

Needless to say, this last season of life has been massive to our whole family.  Grace just said the other day that leaving Bethany is harder than when she left home for the first time.  I agree.    

We came to Bethany with no children, Gracie just becoming partially blind and a heart that pursued self-interest in context to prayer, ministry and life with little to no dialogue in prayer around what the Lord was interested in.  I came to Bethany telling Him what He thought, reading the Bible a lot and listening very little.  The Word was a way by which to prop up doctrine that I had internally staked my identity in, leaving dialogue with the Lord to a minimum because I had it “figured out” in my own prideful state.  Pretty sad, but really true.

We now have such a yearning to give up our lust for stuff, live simple and learn to love rightly by the grace of His Spirit accessed in prayer.

PURPOSE OF MOVE

The Lord threw me on my face weeping for a whole day back in October 2009 while on a prayer retreat by myself, reading the Word. I was blindsided by His heart to prepare children and families for the Day of the Lord and there have been several other similar moments with the Lord since then.  As well as a consistent stirring on the inside of Grace and I.  The Lord has had me wait to pursue putting together some type of “curriculum” or something concerning it all for the last year or so. There was a lot of pride and inner wickedness that the Lord had to expose and uproot in order for anything to be done by His Spirit and not by me.  He let me know it really mattered to Him where the state of my heart was at. 

That leads to the transition to Duluth. In December I felt a little push from behind by the Lord to work on the family curriculum stuff and then a hard shove at the end of January.  So I began to try working on stuff and couldn’t get anything done based on current responsibilities I have.  So, about the same time, the Miller family (I have worked w/Tim Miller to help start the Daniel Training Network) said they were moving to Duluth and then asked us if we would want to go with them. 

We have loved Bethany, had both our kids here, had our hearts radically changed here (more than all the years before being here combined), so we thought our roots were planted and would be here a while.  With that in mind we brought Duluth before the Lord thinking that it would be a “no.”  However, we began to have some pretty crazy things happen over the next few days from all different places in all different ways, leaving us stunned by the graciousness and love of God’s direction.  The Lord knew what we needed and made it very clear that we were to head to Duluth and begin what had been burning in us for over a year with the children’s/family stuff. As well as to live far simpler as a family. 

For us, our stuff has been a stumbling block to our hearts engaging Him fully and we have known it. We don’t believe we are to live in poverty but ultimately our love for stuff matters to the Lord according to the Sermon on the Mount and other places in the Word. How our hearts deal with stuff and food says a lot about where our hearts are really at, and we have had such a desire to live simply and give generously. 

On the same prayer retreat in Oct. ’09, the Lord also spoke to me that I was materially rich even though I recently resigned from my job and had very little in context to the normal American. After reading several verses on what Jesus had to say about rich people in the Word, I trembled before Him. It was a loving nudge from the Lord and mercy for our family.  I found out on that retreat and over the last several years just how jealous the Lord is for me to be with Him when He returns. 

Following the clear direction the Lord had given, I tried to convince the Lord we could do what we needed here at Bethany but was then lovingly humbled by the Lord.  I realized that there are just too many things that I get distracted by here and are too comfortable in.  Not even all bad things but necessary to remove in order for the Lord to do what He wants to.  There are several things the Lord shared with me weeks ago over several days of prayer and one of many is Twitter.

WHEN?

We will be loading the moving truck the night of March 30th and end up in Duluth on the 31st.

The seminary student bound for pastorhood reads theology books based on a Platonic worldview. They then graduate, are voted in as pastor of a church and begin to teach that which they learned and were trained in while in seminary.  Then most the congregants who attend the pastor’s church live life according to their pastor’s theology, spreading certain theological worldviews far and wide.  

An excerpt from Randy Alcorn’s book Heaven:

“John Calvin, the great expositor, never wrote a commentary on Revelation and never dealt with the eternal state at any length.  Though he encourages meditation on Heaven in his Institutes of the Christian Religion, his theology of Heaven seems strikingly weak compared to his theology of God, Christ, salvation, Scripture, and the church… A great deal has been written about eschatology—the study of the end times—but comparatively little about Heaven… Theologian Reinhold Niebuhr wrote an in-depth two-volume set titled The Nature and Destiny of Man.  Remarkably, he had nothing to say about Heaven.  William Shedd’s three-volume Dogmatic Theology contains eighty-seven pages on eternal punishment, but only two on Heaven.  In his nine-hundred-page theology, Great Doctrines of the Bible, Martyn Lloyd-Jones devotes less than two pages to the eternal state and the New Earth.  Louis Berkof’s classic Systematic Theology devotes thirty-eight pages to creation, forty pages to baptism and communion, and fifteen pages to what theologians call “the intermediate state”… Yet it contains only two pages on Hell and one page on the eternal state.  When all that’s said about the eternal Heaven is limited to page 737 of a 737-page systematic theology like Berkof’s, it raises a question: Does Scripture really have so little to say?  Are there so few theological implications to this subject?  The biblical answer, I believe, is an emphatic no!  In The Eclipse of Heaven, theology professor A. J. Conyers writes, ‘Even to one without religious commitment and theological convictions, it should be an unsettling thought that this world is attempting to chart its way through some of the most perilous waters in history, having now decided it ignore what was for nearly two millennia its fixed point of reference—its North Star.  The certainty of judgment, the longing for heaven, the dread of hell: these are not prominent considerations in our modern discourse about the important matters of life.  But they once were.’”